FAQ, and answers thereto (Christmas 2017 edition)

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FAQ

The latest summary of amusing search terms (and some often facetious answers) that brought people to The Lab and Field in 2017. Find previous iterations here.

 

Who are scientists

We all are!

 

how do people learn about migratory birds

Blog posts, ornithology classes, naturalist societies, spear-throwing competitions…

 

data error in published paper

*clutches pearls* SURELY NOT!. Eh, it happens. Most of the time it’s not intentional.

 

easy scientific names for lab

Repetition is nice. Puffinus puffinus, Gorilla gorilla, Crex crex. You get the idea.

 

how to host any sceince confrence

ANY science conference? I’d suggest a TARDIS as the venue given the difficulty in estimating attendance.

 

charles morton swallows moon

… Is then hospitalized when moon appears in his orbit.

 

people who study birds are called

Indeed they are. Frequently, too.

 

institutional homophobia in academia

Heck yes (and outside academia, too). Sometimes not intentional, or even malicious, but always eternal. I think about/experience this at least once a week, and it’s tiring.

 

tit

This search term is exceptionally broad, and yet it brought you here. The chances of disappointment might be high.

 

when seminar gets suck

Make it not suck. Some tips.

 

published paper no affiliations

I don’t actually know of an ecology/conservation paper without an affiliation. Do you? Put it in the comments!

 

always have a plan b dave. always have a plan b

And watch out for Winnebago!

FAQ, and answers thereto (Christmas 2016 edition)

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FAQ

The latest in bizarre search terms, and slightly facetious answers. Whatever your motivations for visiting The Lab and Field, I hope the holiday season treats you well.

 

Labrador duck sightings

None, since at least ca. 1878.

 

birds migrate to the moon

We thought they did, but turns out they don’t. Also: early diet studies of birds clearly overestimated the contribution of cheeses.

 

scientistseessquirrel blog

That’s Stephen Heard’s blog you’ll be after then.

 

lab management is a diverse field. i am interested in learning what fields of lab work you have done or …

Googling interview questions is always prudent.

 

dead parakeets

It’s passed on. This parakeet is no more! It has ceased to be. It’s expired and gone to meet its maker.This is a late parakeet. It’s a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch it would be pushing up the daisies. It’s rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parakeet.

 

the job search never ends

Nope.

 

post-doc never ends

It can sometimes feel that way. See also above.

 

oedsex m

You want to do what?

 

define lunar migration

When the moon follows the seasonal resource pulse across the celestial landscape.

 

i’m a science student but i am doll my solution

I first read this as “I’m a science student, but I am a doll, here is my solution”, which I sort of imagining is an advice article for mannequins into botany or quantum physics.

 

benefits for being a google schollar

Free spell check?

 

if i were a bird,i would fly to the moon.in fact

Doubtful, but keep reaching for the stars!

 

research seminar sucks life

They often do. But you can fix them!

 

nserc gives priority to women

Pretty sure you’ll find they don’t.

 

#917248324497 kiska no h

How did this bring you to my site?!

 

 

i have a gay colleague in the lab

How fabulous!

 

how to use magic to excel in academia

As in the card game? Or as in the Harry Potter-type of wizarding? Because the answers will be rather different.

 

laboratory #4 answers

A, C, B, D, A, Yellow, subdermal, and hoatzin.

 

single bird with name

Lauren. She enjoys long flights by the beach, sunflower seeds, and migrating like nobody’s watching.

 

fluffy backed tit babbler

You called?

Amusing bird names explained: Fluffy-backed Tit-babbler

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bird names, fluffy-backed tit-babbler

When I taught ornithology labs, we usually included a free-form answer on the lab exam asking students for their favourite bird(s). Students would usually write “snowy owl” or “Blackburnian Warbler” – actual species – but invariably, and despite not being covered in the course (as they were outside the local collection of avifauna), we would get tits, boobies, and shags. And the prof and I would chuckle, point it out to the other, and move on.

The history of common English names for birds is rife with double (or even single) entendre, and the sort of names that make non-ornithologists question whether we’ve really completely lost it.

Therefore, as a public service, I shall present an irregular series describing some of the more “colourful” common English bird names. Steve Heard has done something similar for Latin scientific names. And as our first subject, I will take what I find to be, perhaps, one of the most amusing common English bird names: the Fluffy-backed Tit-babbler, Maconus ptilosus.

The first thing to understand is that common English names were given to species by, well, the English, mostly. It’s therefore not surprising that the same names crop up in a wide array of species, many of them unrelated (e.g., the American Robin, European Robin, and North Island Robin). And it was quite common to see a bird in a foreign land, and think that it looked like a cross between two different species/groups. Such was the case with the tit-babblers.

The Old-world Babblers (family Timaliidae) are a group of passerines (perching birds) found in Eurasia (and not to be confused with the Australo-Papuan babblers found in Australia, which are unrelated and in the family Pomatostomidae. See what I mean?). For the sake of simplicity (and minimizing repetitive strain), I’ll just call them babblers. This group has the somewhat annoying feature of being a taxonomic dumping ground. Not sure where to put a new species? Babbler! Something no quite fit in with another family? Babbler! Thankfully, we’re getting most of this sorted now (though the family may not even be monophyletic (Sigh. There’s always something, isn’t there?)). The term was first used for this group of birds in 1832/3 by William Swainson in his wonderfully-titled tome “Zoological Illustrations, or original figures and descriptions of new, rare, or interesting Animals, selected chiefly from the classes of Ornithology, Entomology, and Conchology, &c” (which you can read here). Sadly, Swainson doesn’t give any explanation as to why he chose the name. Perhaps because the birds tend to be quite vocal, babbling along?

Tits, of course (hey – stop that) are part of the family Paridae, which includes chickadees in North America, and the well-known garden tits of Europe. But it was, ultimately, Alfred Newton who first used “tit-babbler” in his 1890s A Dictionary of Birds (read it here), though the name may have existed previously. Likely, the birds were babblers that reminded someone of the tits they knew from back home in Europe. And thus the tit-babblers (Macronus spp.) were born.

All of the tit-babblers (snicker) are, thankfully, in one genus, Macronus, likely referring to their large-ish size compared to other babblers (from the Greek macro for large), and coined by William Jardine and Prideaux Selby in their 1835 Illustrations of Ornithology (read it here). Jardine & Selby also first described Macronus ptilosus, the Fluffy-backed Tit-babbler, in the same volume. The species epithet, ptilosus, likely comes from the Greek ptilon for feather or wing and refers to the fluffy feathers on the aptly-named bird.

Fluffy-backed Tit-babbler by Mervin Quah on Arkive.org (educational use permitted)

Fluffy-backed Tit-babbler, then called Timalia trichorrhos, from Nicolas Huet le Jeune’s 1838 volume “Nouveau recueil de planches coloriées d’oiseaux”  (public domain). Note the fluffy back.

The Fluffy-backed Tit-babbler is classified by the IUCN as Near Threatened, owing to the loss of lowland forests in its native range (Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia and Brunei).

It is also an excellent Shakespearean-esque insult (though calling someone a lowland forest bird from SE Asia isn’t that insulting).

— —

If there’s there a common English (or even scientific) bird name you’d like explained, leave it in the comments!

FAQ, and answers thereto #4

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FAQ

The latest in a light-hearted look at the search terms folks use to find The Lab and Field.

 

how much one make in giving a seminar in a university

Typically nothing.

 

pnas, predator publisher

While you may not like them, there not considered predatory sensu stricto.

 

as told by alex bond

Yes, it is.

 

i have nserc visiting fellowship but no supervisor

Well, you’ve been approved on the list. A government scientist needs to step up to the plate and look for a postdoc. Though the status of the program is a bit ambiguous.

 

how to seminar

Cookies. Coffee/tea. Speaker. Engaging. Listen. Think. Question. Beers.

 

journal “beware !! running more not as bad”.pdf

Never heard of them. Might send my next article though.

 

hipster font philosphical lines

Can you tell the difference between Arial and Helvetica?

 

saskatchewan flat land

All of it.

 

why librians gets always hurted?

Bad grammar and spelling?

 

journal paper on fixing of laboratory tiles

“Temporal lag between maintenance requests and renovation: effects of bulky lab equipment and overworked facilities management staff”. Forthcoming.

 

why academic library saves as a learning laboratory discussed

Sounds like an assignment question. How about: “Academic libraries saves as a learning laboratory because knowledge is found everywhere, even in books. And if anyone knows books, it’s librarians. They’re awesome.” You’re welcome.

 

data management in the ward

Keep those colours outta my Excel spreadsheets. Those need intensive care.

 

the reasons behind labrador dick’s extinction

Frostbite?

 

tell me something about field work job

It’s fun.

 

how do publishers profit with open access

I’m not involved in any journal finances, but usually they’re subsidized by some external funding (e.g., from a large society), or they work on economies of (massive) scale.

 

lab captions

“Figure 1: door to the lab”

“Figure 2: lab coffee machine and tea station”

“Figure 3: why scientists should not consume food in the lab”

“Figure 3b: or beverages”

 

the name field bird found in african

the question order word in awkwardness

 

every summer breeding　brazil

Hey, what you do on your own time is your own business.

 

swallow the birds

DO NOT SWALLOW THE BIRDS!

 

do i need a phd to become a ecologist

Nope.

 

 

FAQ, and answers thereto #3

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FAQ

The latest in a light-hearted look at the search terms folks use to find The Lab and Field.

 

kroodsma (2000, auk 117:1081–1083)

Probably one of the most under-appreciated papers. You should really read it.

 

gay canadian scientists

*waves*

 

how to make an academic website

Somewhat inexplicably (at least to me), this is by far my most popular post. Ever. By a long shot. I wonder if I should update it. Thoughts?

 

migration of bird moon

The bird moon is non-migratory (and lacks coconuts)

 

advantages of academic citation

Jobs, money, power, influence YMMV.

 

non scientific endeavour

Theatre! Vacuuming! Delivering parcels!

 

why didn’t i get nserc funding

Sorry to hear. Probably because, though I’m sure it was excellent, your application didn’t make the cut. But you’re not alone.

 

http://www.sexy satxxx.com

Uhhh….?

 

why do we need to have seminar?

Because it’s good for you. Seriously though, it’s great to hear about other research, and broaden your horizons. If your seminar series sucks (and most of them do), make it better.

 

when do early view articles show up in google scholar

Give them a few days. You can also add them manually to your profile!

 

how many applicants per job for postdoctoral position

Depends how widely it’s advertised, among other things. You never get the jobs you don’t apply for.

 

best site for academics

I like islands, or failing that, aboard a ship. But then again, I’m not an academic.

 

what if birds didnt migrate

Who would carry coconuts from Mercia?

 

environment canada post doc

Run! Actually, it was beneficial to see the inner workings. Unmuzzled Science has a post about what it’s like as a postdoc in the Government of Canada.

 

“hipsters” “github”

Are those meant to be sarcastic of euphemistic?

 

labrador duck not extinct

Yes. It is. Boo.

 

if you came to our library..

I’d likely check out a book, or other library material.

 

http://www.peopple sex vs animal.com

Well that escalated quickly. This one is a puzzler.

 

communication is one of the most

And sometimes one of the least.

 

FAQ, and answers thereto #2

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FAQ

Terry at Small Pond Science occasionally posts summaries of the bizarre/weird/repeated Google searches that bring people to his site.  I did the same last January, and thought it would be good to give an update.  So, dear reader, here are the answers to quantitatively frequently asked questions on The Lab and Field in the last half of 2014. Enjoy!

 

why am i here

Physically, or philosophically? Though I don’t think I should be the one having the “birds and the bees” chat with you (come to think of it, why do we tell teenagers about bee’s sex lives? They’re pretty bizarre and not at all like those of humans)

 

is my lab gay

If it has a fondness for Judy Garland, consistently dresses better than you, and is systematically oppressed, it just might be.
(oddly enough, this was two separate searches)

 

where arrows go during winter

are seasonal quivers a thing now?

 

can birds fly to the moon

No.

 

nserc ecology and evolution funding bins

What? That’s outrageous. Unless you mean binoculars, in which case, I fully endorse it.

 

how to get nserc industrial scholarship

The biggest hurdle is identifying an industrial partner. If you can do that first, your chances will be significantly higher.

 

why does it matter what journal you publish in

Yes. Whether that’s right is an argument for another day, though.

 

most photography is mediocre

Preach, sister.

 

oed sex

Whoa there – what kind of site do you think this is?

 

(i) are the phylogenetic trees generated from the haemoglobin alpha subunit identical to that generated from the haemoglobin beta subunit?

That looks suspiciously like an assignment question from an undergraduate class.  To aid future students, the answer is: Yes, but one must account for delta mutations along the beta subunit and concatenate likelihood estimates from Bayesian analysis using the Thoreau method in order to do so.  You’re welcome.

 

how do i know if i’ll get nserc

They’ll send you a letter.  If it’s for a PGS/CGS or PDF, expect the letter in late March, usually.

 

great auk behaviour skills

Great auks are generally well behaved, especially these days, as they are all stuffed and in museums.  Occasionally they get rowdy and need a time-out in the cabinet, though.

 

gentleman vs animals sex

The general mechanics are the same, but one usually has a top hat and monocle.

 

being gay in the academics

Most people are gay all over, not just in the academics, but coming out is a gradual process. There are a few of us out here, and you can check out LGBT STEM or get in touch.

 

www sexy sat xxx codore , com

what is that I don’t even

 

labrador duck not extinct

Wrong.

 

odds on winning a banting fellowship

Not great. There are only about 80 a year, and are incredibly competitive.  In 2012, I ranked 145/180.

 

appearance of paper

Around the 2nd century BCE

 

hipsters can’t science

I’m sure they can, we just have never heard of them.

 

radio show debate, with hypothisis on the table and vote at the end

Check out the Munk Debates on CBC Radio 1’s Ideas.

 

why are all academics gay

Not all academics are gay. In fact, some of my best friends in academia are, shockingly, straight.

 

does nserc cgs-m funding go to student or professor?

Student. This is your salary, and is administered by your school of grad studies (or similar).

 

june is my birthday month and i’m happy with that

Fantastic. Not that you can change it …

 

i am a bird.i migrate from arctic to antarctic and back

The Lab and Field: breaking down class barriers in science communication!

 

ebola

Uhhh? I know it’s a hot topic, but I mean honestly, how did three people find my site from searching ebola?

FAQ, and answers thereto

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FAQ

Every day, dozens – dozens! – of misguided individuals perusing teh internetz use the Google to look up various things.  Sometimes these searches lead to The Lab and Field.  Often, these searches are questions (or sometimes statements).  So to assist my fellow wayward travellers of the information superhighway, Here are the answers to the questions you’ve asked:

limbo vs purgatory / purgatory vs limbo

See: pre-tenure vs postdoc / postdoc vs pre-tenure

 

collaboration workflow when you have endnote and others don’t

Ha! Or more seriously, have one person curate the ref list. It’s not as hard as it sounds.

 

work for free post doc purgatory

Well, if you’re working for free, I’d recommend moving on.  And yes, that would be purgatorial.

 

schuman tenured

Pretty sure she isn’t

 

what after postdoc

Anything you want. Academia isn’t the One True Way™. There are research jobs in industry, government, and NGOs. They may not be that abundant relative to the number of folks looking for work, but don’t limit yourself.

 

germany stork with a spear in its head

Technically, the spear was through its neck. If the spear was through its head, it would be hard to migrate to Germany.

 

communication in the scientific community 2000

I’d suggest Telnet, or CompuServe. Let me boot up Netscape Navigator…

 

how to find an nserc industrial r&d pdf

Make and use connections. Many faculty work with industry already, and can use those relationships to leverage the funds required from the industrial partner.

 

what are my chances of getting an nserc irdf

Pretty good if you can line up the industrial partner.

 

how to make sake in laboratory

Don’t.

 

what does 40 year old postdoc do

Probably something similar to a 30-year-old postdoc – write papers, and look for work.

 

do phds always have to do a postdoc?

No. We did a neat little presentation asking this very question!

 

how do i know where to start in my outline?

I’d recommend the beginning. Or an outline.

 

how to classify if research is laboratory or field

If you do your research in a laboratory, it’s probably laboratory research. Same for the field. But you can do both (or neither!).

 

laboratory+chairs

You can’t beat those old-school gray metal & wooden stools, in my opinion.

 

http://www.lab field sex image

!!

 

gay influence academia

We’re everywhere.

 

why does my google scholar profile not show in google searcg

Check ssearch spelling

 

i am a bird.i migrate from arctic to antarctic and back.i am

Deep, man.

 

—

With ht to Small Pond Science for the idea.

And note that this is a tongue-in-cheek take on some of the odd search terms that lead people here. The searches are completely anonymized, so I don’t know from whom/where/why the searches brought people here. But they did. And I enjoy a good chuckle.

It’s the postdoc life!

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postdoc

If you follow me on Twitter, you’ll see that I’m fond of the hashtag #postdoclife when discussing certain aspects of my work.  Well, today a colleague asked if it was prompted by the number “It’s the hard-knock life” from the musical “Annie“.

I admit it wasn’t, but the idea (and startling similarities, at least in the stereotype) were amusing.  So I present, for your enjoyment, tongue planted firmly in cheek:

(watch the video if you aren’t familiar with the song)

It’s the postdoc life!

It’s the postdoc life for us!
It’s the postdoc life for us!

‘Steada tenure,
We get term!

Submitted papers,
They get ditched!

It’s the postdoc life!
No position to speak of, so,
It’s the postdoc slog we know!

“Student” status,
‘Steada staff!

Crappy office
‘Steada good!

It’s the postdoc life!

Don’t it feel like the grants are always failin’?
Don’t it seem like there’s never any light!

Once a day, don’t you wanna throw the towel in?
It’s easier than puttin’ up a fight.

No one’s there when your papers get trashed!
No one cares if you succeed or crash!
No one dries when your eyes get wet an’ weepy!

From all the cryin’ you would think this position’s a sink!
Ohhhh!!!!!!!
Rejected paper life!
Lack of interviews life!
Crappy office life!
No personal life!

Tenure track we never see
Tenure track, what’s that? A dream?

No one cares for you a tad
When you’re in postdoc land!

Yank the grant app from the boss
Just a jabbing sense of loss
No prestige, and not one perk
I love you, NSERC!

(whistle) Get to work!
(whistle) Make that figure!
(whistle) I said get to work!

It’s the postdoc life for us!
It’s the postdoc life for us!
No one cares for you a tad
When your in postdoc land!
It’s the postdoc life!
It’s the postdoc life!
It’s the postdoc life!

Suggestions for additional verses are welcome in the comments.  You’ll note that some lines remained unchanged.